IF ONLY doesnt count... BAD HABIT

If only I was thinner, if only I was richer, if only I hadnt done that. I must stop when I start thinking the if only phrase. Nothing good ever comes out of it. If only s just make us sad and frustrated. So why would I want to torture myself?

If only s just take me away from the present. If only s take us to a land that doesnt exist and that sucks away all hope. My if only thoughts just keep telling the universe I want to keep on living in regret and hopelessness. Sadly, I used to spend many hours in the if only land. Today, I can say no good has come from it. So, why do I sometimes keep on dwelling on it?
It is the times when I want to be a victim, I dont want to do anything to change my situation, I havent forgiven myself or I want to escape from my reality.

But I want to take it a bit further, the if word must be left just for my scientific hypothesis. The IF word is not for me. It makes me want and think I can control life results. And as I have learned I am powerless in this area.

For example, I get all excited and say: If I start my diet today by next month I will have lost certain amount of weight. One month goes by, and the results are good, but not as great as my if had said. Therefore, I get all frustrated, angry and crazy and give up just because things didnt turn out the way I wanted. The if talks about the future, talks about a time I have no power over. I just have control over my person in the present.

The if is not real, is a hypothesis. And a hypothesis is something that has to be proven, it means that it can go either way. But for me, I used to think my hypothesis were always right. Therefore, many times I was just dissappointed. And the times were I wasnt; just kept reinforcing this crazy idea to keep living with my IFs.

My IFs made me live in a world of expectations, in a roller coaster world. The IF world, is a world of control, and sadly a fantasy world, LALAland. This does not mean I will stop hoping, dreaming and believing. Faith is wonderful and faith is a must in my journey for inner peace and growth.

Now, the if onlys and ifs must be replaced with faith and hope. For me, faith is the belief in something or someone we cant prove. What does this really mean? Honestly, I am still trying to figure it out. However, faith and hope give me a certain serenity and peace. The if onlys and ifs just leave me filling empty and disappointed. And that is a big difference for me.

I once heard a person ask another: how do you know you are acting the right way? The other answered: if you feel at peace with your actions, then you did act right. I loved it, it sounded pure and simple. However, in this busy world, filled with all its distractions where we have lost our true voice this is not that simple. Most of the time I did not know how I was feeling. I just responded with the feeling I thought I was supposed to feel. And so for me sometime ago I was completely out of touch with me, my reality.

Now, I have learned that it takes time to know my own feelings. However, I take it one day at a time. Everyday I try to work on just what I can handle, pushing but just a little bit, with love and understanding. Having the faith that I will get there gradually.

Challenge: I will count and be aware how many times and why I use my if onlys and ifs on this day. I will try and distinguish when my ifs are ok and when I am just setting myself up for disappointment and victimization.